My first year back to work was really difficult. Sweet Boy had his health issues, but I was also very suspect of the care he was getting. Being a teacher, I was all for the large daycare model to prepare my child for his school years. But the large center was not for us.
Problem #1- Don’t ignore your gut, or in our case, your husband’s gut.
When I went to visit the local daycares, I fell in love with the two infant teachers at the largest center. They were warm, caring women who were also very knowledgeable about infants. My husband did not like the overall vibe he got from the center, but I loved those women and we signed the papers.
Problem #2- If the staff is hinting that a place is a germ factory, it probably is.
Over the six months, they took care of Sweet Boy, they were so good about giving me a gentle push when I needed it, whether it was about feeding, teething, or even getting Sweet Boy to a specialist. More than anything, I appreciated their candor about the number of families sending sick children to the center. They knew he got every virus and he got it worse than most. Really, they knew he was in the wrong place. I loved those women and still keep in touch with them today on Facebook.
Problem #3- If it’s important to you and not to your child care providers, run!
When Sweet Boy was one, he moved up to the toddler room. I was less happy during his four months with those ladies. Every time I came in, the lead teacher was distracted. Most mornings she had her head in a magazine. Sometimes it was work related, but it was more shopping magazines. She rarely greeted me or my child, and that REALLY bothered me. How would my boy learn basic manners from someone who didn’t have them herself?
The toddler room was also a lot more open with the rest of the daycare, and we found ourselves making a lot of trips to the pediatrician for issues that were not necessarily related to Sweet Boy’s health issues. Pink eye, stomach bugs, rashes. I know its typical kid stuff, but getting pink eye once a month is not really typical. Plus with all of the colds going around the center, his asthma and ear infections were pushed to the max. He started needing shots of antibiotics because the oral ones weren’t strong enough anymore.
Problem #4- If they are only telling you about his negative behaviors, and never have anything nice to say about your kid, they probably don’t like kids.
As the months went on, Sweet Boy had some issues with one of his peers. He would grab toys from her, and she would in return bite him–every day. As tragic as it may seem to a new mom, the teacher in me had enough Ed. Psych background to know it was pretty normal toddler stuff. Kiddos are pretty instinctual at that age with very few words to use. I got plenty of reports of him being bitten and even more of him having trouble sharing.
So after seven bites in one week, I calmly asked if they had any strategies for keeping the two away from each other to prevent the issue. I knew my child was a part of the problem, but that doesn’t mean I want him to get bit. The lead teacher snapped at me saying it was all Sweet Boy’s fault because he was the bully in the situation. I know Bully has been a buzz word for a few years now, but I really couldn’t believe she called a 15-month-old a bully. I could tell from the other teacher’s faces that they all knew she had crossed a line.
We pulled Sweet Boy out at the end of the month and the directors got a very detailed letter describing the many reasons we were leaving. They haven’t changed anything and that teacher is still there three years later, while all the teachers we liked are not. So, I know now that the problem was more systemic than just a one-person problem.
The new search
That whole summer I was nervously searching for a new daycare. I remember Sweet Boy’s infant teachers gently pushing me to find a smaller placement for him. And after a very difficult year in the center, my husband put his foot down. We were going to find a home daycare this time. A friend of mine mentioned to me that one of her former co-workers now had a home daycare and I should check her out. My friend told me that this woman was very detail-oriented and thorough and she would absolutely trust her with her kids.
Step one- check. Get a personal recommendation.
When I went for a visit, a few things struck me right away. It was considered a large home daycare. 13 kids and three adults. My fears about my kid getting into trouble when the teacher had to pee were not relevant here (and yes, I had those fears before I had Girlie). I also loved that the director’s husband was one of the teachers and later worked as one of the subs. Men and women are different with kids and I think it is important that kids know both.
They were also confident that they could meet the needs of his reflux diet. They served healthy meals, and right on the spot, she had a few healthy switches she could easily make to keep him healthy. After that first visit, I was confident that this was the place for my boy.
Step two- check. Visit and see your personal values in action.
In his first year, Sweet Boy was encouraged to use his words, pushed to pursue his love of learning, showed how to work out problems, and never treated like a bully as he was still learning to share and take turns. He had a few rough patches during the winter when his asthma meds affected his personality, but the staff was very sensitive to the side effects of his medications. I never got a report that was all negative. There was always a bright spot to his day, and I always heard about it.
Step 3- check. Make sure they actually like kids, in all their stages.
They saved a spot for us when they learned I was expecting. Girlie had an amazing first year with them. They gave us suggestions for dealing with Girlie’s lactose sensitivity and snuggled her during those 7 miserable months where she got 16 teeth.
As both my kids go through the “terrible twos” and the “Why threes?” the teachers guide them to be good people. They teach them about letters, numbers, colors, dinosaurs, planting, cooking, animals, and outer-space. And all that is wonderful. But teaching them to be good people is what is most important to me. Studies show that self-regulation and social skills are crucial in being ready for kindergarten, and I am so glad that is what my kids are getting.
As a working mom, knowing my kids are at a daycare with amazing teachers who have the same values and priorities makes sending my kids there so much easier. And having seen the other side of the spectrum, I am so grateful for our daycare family.
Photo by U.S. Embassy, Manila Philippines 
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. Even at 16 months or so, it was clear that